Detachment

I read once that as we grow in holiness, we grow detached from the things of this world. I apparently have a very very long way to go...

We sold my car this week.

Yes, I know, people buy and sell cars everyday, but this car was my first car that was truly mine. It's nothing fancy being a Toyota Corolla S, but I loved it. It was the car I packed to the brim and drove to college my senior year; the car I drove to my first day of teaching; the car we brought Avery home from the hospital in; the car we brought Lucy home from the hospital in... the car that I rolled down the windows and blared country music in, singing at the top of my lungs.

Sigh. It may be full of memories, but it's still just a car.

We got a minivan back in June as we awaited Liam's arrival, and Bill traded in his car without a single complaint. He loved his car too, but he knew that it needed to happen for the sake of our growing family. After all, his car had three times as many miles as my car, and it was worth far less.

Then, last month, Bill decided that we should sell my car because if we sold my car, and bought a less expensive car, it would free up some cash to put toward his MBA loans.

My reaction?

Tears, sadness, and anger, but I made my peace with it, trying to defer to my husband's judgement on this, and we found a buyer on craigslist.

We dropped the car off to the buyer yesterday, and I held back the tears as I drove. Bill called me from the corolla as we drove, and he offered a sincere thank you for understanding his reasons to sell the car. I sat in silence, trying to muster some kind of response without breaking down in tears.

When we arrived at the buyer's location and I watched Bill unscrew the license plate, I could no longer hold back the tears. I broke down as I thought back to the day when the title was officially transferred into my name, and I proudly screwed that same brand new license plate onto the car.

My tears plopped onto the title as I signed it over to the buyer, and I apologized to Bill for being so emotional over a car. He, of course, completely understood. He is wonderful.

Now that it is a done deal, I recognize how silly it was to be so emotional. The problem was that I knew it was silly even as my tears were spilling down my cheeks, but I couldn't stop the feelings of sadness.

We live in such a materialistic culture, and in this Advent season, it is heightened as we search for the perfect gifts for our loved ones. I am so excited to give the gifts I have so thoughtfully selected!

I'm not saying that gifts are bad, I mean who doesn't love giving and receiving gifts!  However, on our path to holiness, we need to be aware of our attachment to the physical things of this world.

We are all in different places on this, and I have barely passed the first mile marker. I, for one, need to start small like holding back the tears after I break one of our glasses or bowls...

Yikes. I have a long way to go...