Over the last 6 months

Today, marks 6 months to the day since we discovered the miscarriage that resulted in the molar pregnancy.

What a roller coaster it has been... (If you are new to my blog, here is a synopsis)

I looked back at this post, and I noticed that I said that I was trying to be thankful for my suffering.

Today as I type this, I can genuinely say that I am thankful.

Over the last six months, I have seen sides of myself that I didn't realize were there.

Moments of deep deep sadness, moments of bitterness, moments of jealousy.

Thank you for all of your amazing prayers! They have pulled me out of the depths so many times, and I definitely think that God was at work when I started this blog less than two weeks before we got the news.

Over the last six months, God has blessed us through our suffering.

I remember being faced with the reality of really using natural family planning and having a moment of sheer panic. The stakes were so high, and I just wasn't sure if we were strong enough to successfully avoid pregnancy.

But by the grace of God, we were successful, and I am truly so grateful for the opportunity. It has strengthened our marriage in ways I never thought were possible. We communicate more effectively and have developed an even deeper appreciation and love for each other.   I am very proud of us, and I feel like we have proven to ourselves and to skeptical family and friends that NFP does work to avoid pregnancy even in a case of medical necessity.  I love the Creighton Model!!

Over the past 6 months, God has been slowly healing my heart.

Deep down, I do still ache for that baby that we lost. For awhile, I grappled with the biological facts of a molar pregnancy. The idea that there never was a baby was like having my security blanket ripped from my hands. I had to struggle to find a new coping mechanism other than finding comfort in the belief that our baby was in Heaven.

However, today, I have found peace in the fact that even though medically and genetically speaking, our baby was never created for life here on earth, I truly believe that our sweet little one was a life created by God.

It has been a long road, but in the end...

Over the last 6 months, God has slowly poured peace into the depths of my soul.

St. Veronica, pray for us.
St. Monica, pray for us.