This really shouldn't bother me...

Shortly after the home visit from the social worker, I had made my decision to tell J's parents that I was no longer willing to watch him anymore. J's mom had asked me to call her as soon as I met with the social worker, and within an hour after the visit, I called and left her a message saying that the visit went well and to give me a call back when she got a chance.

I didn't hear from her until the following evening, but I was unable to answer the phone, and she left a message telling me that I could call her back that evening or the following day. I was anxious to get the phone call over with so that I could move on from the whole situation, and I called her back less than an hour later only to encounter her voice mail again. I left another message, and said that if she didn't get a chance to call me back that evening, I would try again the next day.

So I called again the following morning, and again, I got her voice mail. By this point, I was so anxious to get everything off my chest that I couldn't shake the pit in my stomach. So after speaking with my mom, we decided that it would be okay to write an email explaining everything. Here is the email:

J's mom,

Since we have been playing phone tag, I wanted to write an email to share my thoughts with you. Since (social worker's name) said she was planning on calling you, I'm assuming that you have been updated on her visit with me. It went very well, and she told me that she was satisfied that I was not responsible for the injury, and she said she was confident that it didn't happen here at my house. 

I'm not sure exactly what your thoughts are about me continuing to watch J, however I wanted to let you know that I am having second thoughts about moving forward. To be honest, in the 9 years that I have been caring for other people's children, it never really entered my mind that an unexplained injury might occur. The fact that J's broken bone remains a mystery is of great concern to me, and it makes me uncomfortable that something similar could happen again. Confidently knowing that nothing happened to J while he was in my care and yet still being investigated by DCS has been very unsettling for me even though I know that it was necessary and couldn't be avoided. 

So even though it truly has been a joy for me to watch J these last 6 months, I really feel that it is best for me not to continue. I hope you understand, and perhaps you were feeling the same way. 

Please feel free to call me if you would like to discuss this further. 

I hope that J's leg has healed and that he is cast free by now! I am also very excited for you guys as you await the arrival of number two! I hope to see you guys around (our parish) so that I can meet the little guy. :) 

Sincerely,

Megan 

Okay, so I spent a good thirty minutes carefully choosing my words for this email, and I got feedback from my mom  before sending it to J's mom. 

So how did they respond?

Well... they didn't.

I received a check in the mail the following week for the balance of what they owed me for the last day that J was in my care. No note, just a check in an envelope.

The next week, I sent J's mom another email thanking her for sending along the check, and I said, "Since I haven't heard from you, I am hoping there are no hard feelings about my decision." I also reiterated that I was excited for them about number 2's arrival. 

And how did she respond? 

Again... she didn't. 

So now it has been almost four weeks since my initial email, and I have not heard a word from them. I know I just need to let it go and move on, and for the most part, I have. However, I just can't get my head around why they wouldn't respond at all... 

If it were me, even if I was hurt or frustrated, I would have sucked it up, and at least emailed to say that I understood the decision. I don't see how this possibility wouldn't have been on their radar given the nature of the circumstances.

I am in no way saying that I am better than them, but I just don't get it. I spent 6 months watching their son, and I felt like we had a very good professional relationship. J has always gone to daycare two days a week, and during the interim of the investigation, he was going at least 4 days a week. So I feel like I didn't put them at a disadvantage by quitting. 

I just don't get it. 

Oh well, I think this post is my way of getting it off my chest once and for all. I am wasting precious brain power trying to figure out why my email went ignored.