But you're married!

Okay, I am going to go there, friends... Let's talk marital chastity...

When we were a dating couple, I heard over and over again that chastity in dating is extremely important for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that it was preparing us for marital chastity which we were told was much more difficult.

Our young minds could not grasp this as we thought, how on earth could it be more difficult than months and then years or remaining chaste and pure?

Um yes, folks, it is true, marital chastity is MUCH more difficult! Oh how naive we were...

So now after three years of marriage where we pretty much threw caution to the wind, we are having to stretch our chastity legs, and let me just say that they have severely atrophied...

As I mentioned in this post, NFP has been challenging for us as we have been dealing with irregular mucus patterns and what has seemed like endless abstinence. I don't think I have ever been so excited to see AF come around to give us a short reprieve... So yes, we abstained for an entire month! (I know that there are those of you out there who have abstained/are abstaining for much much longer, and you are in my prayers.)

It was an extremely long month, and while we definitely grew in our marriage, there were still plenty of moments where we felt like two year old children stomping our feet and crying. :(

And we spent many moments reminding ourselves of the Catholic teaching on marital chastity. We even sat down together and read the Catechism for reinforcement while at the same time searching and hoping for a loophole...

Now the teaching of the Catholic Church on human sexuality is absolutely profound and beautiful, and it is crystal clear!

2361 "Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."¹⁴³

::pausing to soak in the beauty and wisdom...::

Okay, so sex has two purposes, unitive and pro creative, and any separation of these two translates into use, and as John Paul II said, this is the exact opposite of love.

2363 The spouses' union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple's spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.

2366 ...So the Church, which is "on the side of life,"¹⁵¹ teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life."¹⁵² "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."153

"...each and every marriage act...." So to put it bluntly, oral sex or any type of rubbing so to speak that does not end in sex is not okay because it separates the unitive aspect from the pro creative aspect.

This friends, is not an easy thing to do! Is it worth it? Yes, God's plan for sexuality is always worth it, but that doesn't mean it is easy...

It is also not talked about very much, and few Catholics these days even understand the Church's teaching on contraception let alone marital chastity. It is very counter cultural even in Christian circles.

For example, I was expressing my frustrations with our recent abstinence to my very dear friend who is a devout Protestant. And as she was listening to me whine, she said, "So, Megan, let me make sure I'm hearing you right... You're saying that unless it is foreplay, anything except the actual act of sex is out of the question?"

When I affirmed that this is indeed what I was saying, she said, "But you're married.... so why is that wrong?"

I went on to further explain the Church's teaching, and she understood where I was coming from, but I could tell that this concept rocked her boat, and she had never thought that there was anything wrong with oral sex within marriage.

The she said, "So, Bill is okay with this? Are you on the same page?" And then I realized that she was imagining me as this prudish wife who wasn't fulfilling her duty to her husband... sigh... so close yet worlds apart...

So is this "crazy" teaching worth it? Yes.

Is there a loophole? No.

Is it difficult? Absolutely!

Are we perfect? Nope...

Are we striving for holiness? Yes.

Do we believe that the Catholic teaching on sexuality is the best way to strive for holiness in our marriage? Without a doubt.

So take courage and believe:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13.