A wife's perspective

Okay, so I was going to write a light hearted post about my organizational break throughs lately, but now I'm sitting here at 12:50 a.m. reflecting on marital chastity again, and I decided that my excitement about having all the pens and pencils in one place could wait...

I am trying to understand why men are hard wired so differently from women. For men, their sexual thoughts and inclinations are never far from their present thought. A small touch can light up a man's sensory board almost instantaneously.

For women, the sexual drive is there, but the sensory board is unplugged during every day thoughts and interactions. It isn't until the opportunity presents itself that the woman runs to the outlet to turn on the power. Then, once it is plugged in, the sensory board still takes time to warm up. At this point, the woman's logic is still in play, and she still has her wits about her when it comes to decision making.

So 8 times out of 10, if the couple is wanting to abstain, the woman ends up being the one who has to be the voice of reason.

I despise being the voice of reason because I always feel like the bad guy. :(

So my response to this is to maintain a certain level of distance during our times of abstinence. I am careful about the way I conduct myself so that I don't create temptation, and here in lies the problem.

Bill's two love languages are physical touch and acts of service. He feels loved when I am generally affectionate towards him, and when I do things like keeping the house clean, cooking a nice meal, etc.

I love that Bill is naturally very affectionate (even in public!) because physical touch is also one of my primary love languages, and I have always loved his random loving hugs, kisses, holding my hand, or his desire to snuggle on the couch.

However, during our periods of abstinence lately, these wonderful moments of affection have severely decreased because often it is just too difficult and temptation always rears its ugly head.

Today was day 14 of abstinence this cycle so the tension is palpable, and while the end is in sight, frustration has been setting in... (the yellow stamps will kick in two days from now, thank goodness!)

The lack of physical affection is wearing on both of us, and I pray that we can continue to develop other ways of making each other feel loved during these times. This growth after all is what makes periods of abstinence so beneficial in a marriage.

I probably need to make more of an effort to do some of the other things that make him feel loved like make him his favorite meal, get up early and make him coffee before he leaves for work, make a dent in his ironing pile (Bill is a crazy ironer! He irons almost every pair of pants and every shirt before he wears them...), etc.

We were in bed earlier tonight discussing our frustrations lately, and we wanted nothing more than to snuggle together, and go to sleep, but it was just too difficult. We are weak... so I volunteered to head down to the couch.

I hate the couch.

But since he is long asleep now that I decided to write this post, I am headed back up to bed... but before I go upstairs, I think I will set the auto brew on the coffee maker, set out a travel coffee mug, a spoon, some Splenda, and little note reminding him how much I love him.

God gave me an exceptionally wonderful man, and if I allow Him to, I pray that God will make me into a better wife through these periods of abstinence.

"Lord, give my husband a new wife, and let it be me." -Stormie Omartian